Help me Smash the Fear

Hey yo

My stage fright has come back…. My fright to sing at all in front of anyone actually, is back with a vengeance.

Last friday, I was hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend and his mates. She is from Canada, He is from Barbados as are his friends and one of the guy’s girlfriend’s is Greek.

The only reason their nationalities are important is because I was inspired and a tiny bit jealous at how free they all are. I mean free as in confident, & not fucked up, not particularly self conscious and incredibly cool & light to chat with. Some of them are pretty musical and play guitar and sing etc etc…

My friend pulls out the guitar and starts to sing, in fact, SHE asked US if we would mind if she played for us. WHOAH, GO GIRL. She is super flipping cool and it really is true that Canadians are safe as fucccckkk. ANYWAY

She does her thing and is great, she has a great musical ear and her playing was just perfect. Then one of the guys does the same thing! In my mind I was freaking out in case they asked me to sing and I couldn’t even join in when I knew one of the songs, I was frozen stiff scared.

what the helllllll man, what is wrong with me! (don’t answer that)

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Then the greek goddess puts on Solange…. there was no stopping me! I did not care anymore and we were dancing and singing at the top of our voices trying to lure the others to join us but they would not haha… too busy shooting shit in the kitchen to dance around with these 2 pumped up on girl power girls. She then puts on more rnb bangers and all 3 of us girls were singing at the top of our voices and pretending we were a girlband. (although I think we would smash it in a girlband IRL)

If the music is loud, I WILL sing loud but if I think people are actually listening to me…. I freeze and the anxiety that cripples a lot of my daily life comes along with it’s mate ‘stage fright’

I love my british friends, obviously, but the subtle (or not so in some cases) cynicism and  uptightness is pretty damaging to artistic types….the ones who maybe don’t have the gene that is the ‘self big up’ thing. i.e me

I am guilty of it myself! People with guitars at parties back in the day used to grate on my snobbery and would encourage a certain dickishness to come out in my head. Others who felt the same would conjoin together in some sort of dick off circle, judging & sending bad vibes.

In reality, this person (regardless of their skill or playing ability or even in some cases ability to hear that the guitar is OUT OF TUNE) is sharing something in that moment that is pure and unashamed and pretty beautiful actually.

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This all may sound super obvious to you nice people out there, but I have a proper music snob in my head.

Luckily, over the last few years it has started to soften and I now just think people are beautiful and sweet for wanting to share whatever they are feeling at that moment in time whether it is through music or poetry or drawing or art or whatevs.

You wana share with me your weird and wonderful thoughts then please send them over to me!

So in light of all this waffling on

Here is a video i have been sitting on for a while of my first open mic I ever did with original material

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Both of the original pieces in this vid have moved along to different versions so are a bit null in void BUT it doesn’t matter. This is what they were then and hopefully when I get some up to date confidence in me right here right now you can hear where they travelled to!

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Smile Yoga – It’s a Family Affair

Honouring the meaning of Yoga, My mother and I have come together to build Smile Yoga to spread Yoga all along the south coast.

Me, My Ma and my baby sissy <3
Me, My Ma and my baby sissy

Our classes are affordable, accessible and a safe space to allow Beings to just be.

Be whatever that means in that moment without expectation.

In our classes I offer as many modifications as I can, gently willing you to lead yourself toward whatever your mind or body needs at that moment. From guiding your gaze upward in a baby back bend, encouraging length and to deepen, or serving gentle reminders to be kind and honest in your practise. If you feel like staying in child’s pose for the whole hour to restore and recuperate, that is still very much Yoga. In fact, The best kind of Yoga!

🙂

Through practising quite seriously for 3 years (after a few years of once a week/blue moon classes) I have developed my understanding and appreciation for the complete science of Yoga.

There are many aspects of Yogic life, and the main entry point for us, this side of Europe, is the physical Asana (posture) practise. We can gather awareness and consideration through taking some time for the temples we live in in an honest and careful manner.

We welcome drop ins, continuing students and any person that has a particular pull towards Yoga.

Please do not hesitate to direct any questions my way, and I can do my best to answer or I may have an idea as to where the answer can be found.

Home

Check out our gorgeous site, lovingly put together by a mixture of my stepdad, my mum and myself.

I am very happy and joyful to share Yoga with everyone, but am particularly blessed to have my family taking an interest and enjoyment from my teaching and guidance. If you attend a class and feel good or have learnt something new I highly encourage you to pass it along to a family member, friend or anyone that is game!

Me and Moe Moe  :D
Me and Moe Moe
😀

#25HappyHealthyDaysinNYC – Days 17-24 PT- 2 – FINALE

Final days and words for my NYC Spring!

So following the monster of a party, where things got out of hand… as they always do in Borough mansion (and Id have it no other way – work hard, play hard!)

I woke up pretty bewildered at the state of my room, and also still pretty wobbly! So I was continuing the party mood into my fun Friday. I went to Manhattan, found my favourite shop (Scent Elate) bought the whole place, basically and then went on to explore the Lower East Side. I thought I had been to LES before, but upon arrival I knew for sure I hadn’t explored this part and man was a bummed that I only discovered such a cool hood as I was leaving! Lots and lots of cool cafes and boutiques, and will defo be exploring more of that end when I am back next time.

Then I got my nose pierced… I don’t know why I had been so set on having it done whilst in NY but it was D Day and I did it! It didn’t hurt (maybe it was the alcohol still in my system relaxing my nervous system or something haha) and the place I got it done could not have been more sanitary and helpful.

Venus body arts in LES, 5/5 across the board. Would highly recommend for any piercing needs or information.

Shortly after I got my nose pierced, the hangover set in and I started to die slowly. It was also ridiculously hot, and in my drunken state I decided to wear some crazy short shorts, which in the humid and hot light of day were not Manhattan appropriate. Nice one Alex!

But do not think that I could just go and die in my bed, oh no! This was also the day that Babeland were shooting their music video on a roof in Clinton hill. Yep, live singing and filming by sunset. The race was well and truly on.

The funny thing about this afternoon is how organized and on time I was, despite feeling a little worse for wear, and how disorganized the normally super organized member of the band was. She was not working to any kind of times this day, and didn’t even realize it! I was actually hurrying her along, and giving her assistance in her organization. Haha. I reveled in this one instance where I happened to be the organized one, I have to make the most of these situations because they are a rarity, that’s for sure!

It was definitely a bit manic and we were all worrying we weren’t going to get the shot, but we did in the end and with a little help from our friends we absolutely nailed it! I will 100% post the video and a more in depth post about it when it’s released.

To celebrate our excellent work, we went for dinner (eventually – after about 3 hours of ADD behavior mixed with excitement) and I had the best Fish and Chips of my life! Yes, in Brooklyn… I know! We went on a little walk to a restaurant called Mayfield. The food was brilliant, and it was pretty late too, don’t think we ate until midnight, but there was none of the end of day dregs @ Mayfield.

The next day was hot and sunny, and happened to be a Saturday so everyone play in Prospect Park! I love Prospect, and may even prefer it to Central Park. It seems greener, and more for the purpose of chilling over Central Park that I never found particularly chill friendly. Another added bonus was the little league teams having games all around the park. The little guys were so small it was ridiculously cute! The groups of mischievous 5year olds provided a world of entertainment for a few hours while the group of 20 something boys in our crew were happiest playing Frisbee and reminiscing on their own little league days. Bless ❤

Our Saturday rounded off with a party – Shock horror – to celebrate a housewarming in the group. We grilled, listened to Beyonce, Babeland sang a song for the attendees and I must have laughed for about 4 hours straight. Perfect Saturday!

The last thing to talk about is my Farewell dinner, and the good old knees-up we had into the wee hours. We ate the most incredible dinner at CHIMU and I think that may have been my favourite food of my whole trip. My first taste of ceviche and I am hooked, since being back in the UK I have been on a mission to find some ceviche like this particular one, but have yet to find anywhere that trumps it as of yet!

My final words can only be

Thankyou to the Borough mansion crew and everyone at Subway Management for making my last 6 weeks in Brooklyn some of the best weeks of my life!

So much love, fun and happiness! You guys sent me back to the UK with a refreshed sense of positivity, and I cannot wait to see you all again in Sept!

xxxxx