Help me Smash the Fear

Hey yo

My stage fright has come back…. My fright to sing at all in front of anyone actually, is back with a vengeance.

Last friday, I was hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend and his mates. She is from Canada, He is from Barbados as are his friends and one of the guy’s girlfriend’s is Greek.

The only reason their nationalities are important is because I was inspired and a tiny bit jealous at how free they all are. I mean free as in confident, & not fucked up, not particularly self conscious and incredibly cool & light to chat with. Some of them are pretty musical and play guitar and sing etc etc…

My friend pulls out the guitar and starts to sing, in fact, SHE asked US if we would mind if she played for us. WHOAH, GO GIRL. She is super flipping cool and it really is true that Canadians are safe as fucccckkk. ANYWAY

She does her thing and is great, she has a great musical ear and her playing was just perfect. Then one of the guys does the same thing! In my mind I was freaking out in case they asked me to sing and I couldn’t even join in when I knew one of the songs, I was frozen stiff scared.

what the helllllll man, what is wrong with me! (don’t answer that)

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Then the greek goddess puts on Solange…. there was no stopping me! I did not care anymore and we were dancing and singing at the top of our voices trying to lure the others to join us but they would not haha… too busy shooting shit in the kitchen to dance around with these 2 pumped up on girl power girls. She then puts on more rnb bangers and all 3 of us girls were singing at the top of our voices and pretending we were a girlband. (although I think we would smash it in a girlband IRL)

If the music is loud, I WILL sing loud but if I think people are actually listening to me…. I freeze and the anxiety that cripples a lot of my daily life comes along with it’s mate ‘stage fright’

I love my british friends, obviously, but the subtle (or not so in some cases) cynicism and  uptightness is pretty damaging to artistic types….the ones who maybe don’t have the gene that is the ‘self big up’ thing. i.e me

I am guilty of it myself! People with guitars at parties back in the day used to grate on my snobbery and would encourage a certain dickishness to come out in my head. Others who felt the same would conjoin together in some sort of dick off circle, judging & sending bad vibes.

In reality, this person (regardless of their skill or playing ability or even in some cases ability to hear that the guitar is OUT OF TUNE) is sharing something in that moment that is pure and unashamed and pretty beautiful actually.

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This all may sound super obvious to you nice people out there, but I have a proper music snob in my head.

Luckily, over the last few years it has started to soften and I now just think people are beautiful and sweet for wanting to share whatever they are feeling at that moment in time whether it is through music or poetry or drawing or art or whatevs.

You wana share with me your weird and wonderful thoughts then please send them over to me!

So in light of all this waffling on

Here is a video i have been sitting on for a while of my first open mic I ever did with original material

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Both of the original pieces in this vid have moved along to different versions so are a bit null in void BUT it doesn’t matter. This is what they were then and hopefully when I get some up to date confidence in me right here right now you can hear where they travelled to!

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I finally saw it… AMY. 10ish thoughts/learnings from watching the Doc.

I have no idea where to start. An experience of extreme dualities that’s for sure.

1.a Great and moving to see some old school footage of Amy, family days, youth orchestra days, being goofy with friends etc etc

b. Not so sure about the clips. seeing as she had no say in what the clips were used for.

2. a. Warmed my heart to hear interviews with her nearest and dearest i.e her 2 best friends from way back exclaiming their love and admiration for Amy and her endeavours. 

b. The blame that was subtly laid on a few’s backs through these interviews wasn’t so nice to see.

3.a Super inspiring to me as a singer and songwriter her confidence and love in the craft. 

b. how quickly the music industry and culture can turn a bright spark into an addict of unsavoury substances.

4a. Love is beautiful, powerful, inspiring and far reaching. 

b. Love can be manipulated into accompanying misery in the name of solidarity.

5.a All families have a past. 

b. People that live in glass houses, shouldn’t throw stones i.e if anyone’s family past get’s into the hands of filmmakers there is always blame to lay, just depends on which way the slant leans.

6.a Crack is wack 

b. Crack is still wack… Stop with the comeback y’all, in the past month I have heard it mentioned way too lightly way too often. Brighton needs some TLC on the whole. Cocaine will get boring eventually everyone!

7a. Heartbreak can be a beautiful thing that can benefit mankind.

b. If something has such a positive impact broken, why try to put it all back together again? Amy cut herself too deep trying to mend herself and Blake back together.

8a. The media are OUT OF CONTROL. 

b. They must be stopped. Where are the privacy laws?! Where are the people fighting to keep safety first! Who are these rats who can stand by and mock the mentally unwell into a ‘money shot’ for the disgusting Murchocian media.

I love her all the more after getting an insight into her personality and surroundings. I know she was a drug addict, and I know she was an alcoholic, I know she smoked weed and I know she was reckless with her commitments and time. I do believe everyone around her tried to save her as best they could, and I do believe that both of her parents wanted the best for her. From the documentary it seemed like she had suffered too much damage in a short space of time that she was always going to be a young departure, but I do believe that there is more to this particular story. Too much money flying around the place for it to be mess-free I’m afraid!

I remember where I was when I heard, it was my mum’s birthday and we are both massive fans. I cried and still cry about the sadness of her passing, and believe she had a ton more to give if only she would have pulled through her twenties. 

Grateful is not the word, I am honoured to have existed at the same time as her. Everything I have learned from her fall I will take forward with me and keep keeping an eye on my nearest and dearest as best I can. 

p.s Thankyou Amy Winehouse for your truth, beauty, perspective, heart and art! 

August Album & Mixtape RINSE – jmsn & Mick Jenkins

if you don’t know…now you know.

If you love RnB – Think a more intricately produced JT Album!

One thing I do love about being in the UK as oppose to NYC is the amount of new (and interesting) music that is floating around restoring my faith in the Industry. Obviously I LOVE New York and love living in Brooklyn when I can, but in terms of being a bit daring or a bit out of the box with music it doesn’t seem to be as heralded as over here, well Brighton specifically.

GET COMFORTABLE AND DRINK WATER.

DOIT.

I’m Bout it!

😀

Alex and Andrew Parsegian first session JUNE 2015 BK, NYC

Another reason to love Greenhouse Holistic BK

I met this wonderful human being in Yoga class!

Great things will happen!

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My gentle transition from West to East.

The Uber Cab driver from the Greyhound station to my LAX hotel was an absolute blast. I got a cheap ride by using their Pool service, but no1 ended up getting picked up so I still got the cheap ride 😀

My Uber lady was extremely excited about finishing up some of her exams for nursing school and we had such a great and conversation about the wonders of the human body. Amazing to speak to someone coming from a different school.

I was able to give a better understanding for the benefits of Yoga and how it could relate to her post as a nurse, and she was able to shed some light on different modules and all the info Nurses have to know! Not to be underestimated. UberL was telling me about chemistry and the periodic table and the different ways her and her peers were paying their ways through nursing school.

Before I knew it, we were at my hotel and had to sit for a moment to finish up our incessant chatter. UberL was convinced that the way to shake the TSA was to get examples of my music and give them a CD and pretend I am an unknown British Celebrity. I mean, not my idea of a good idea but USA culture loves a good celeb and if they’re British too don’t even try to stop their squeals of excitement! (Although, I do get asked if I am Australian every.single.day – hopefully the passport would X that question)

My LAX hotel is my favorite hotel I have ever stayed in. View of the Runway from my bed! Absolutely incredible watching the planes go in and out from a height that you don’t feel dwarfed by it. I very much felt like I was in a music video, namely the Adele ‘make you feel my love’ piece. I also felt very Anthony Keidis from the Chilis in that room (obviously sober AK). Who knows, maybe I was feeling vibes of other struggling artists that had stayed in the hotel on their way from a – b or maybe West to East like me.

Song of the day! (Esperenza Spalding)

‘Love me or leave me but please don’t deceive me
And say you love me how I am
You love the way I fit some ideal
Not the real woman you’ve yet to understand
See love ain’t all heaven, and I am no angel
But I do the best I can

You always wanted something more from my body
And said you needed something more from my loving
But all you got was me and that’s all that I can be
I’m sorry if it let you down’

Love her…

Hometown Glory – FRNZ

😦

http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/11716062.Families_of_men_swept_out_to_sea_on_Brighton_beach_pay_tribute/

I haven’t hung with Freddie in many years, and back in the college days he was my best friend’s best friend. Many a summer’s afternoon was spent chilling in whatever park was closest to us bunking off all dayyy just chattin shit and listening to music. Freddie was part of the group of sparks that ignited my love for Hip Hop, music and peaceful living.

I’ve bumped into him a few times over the years and always chatted for absolutely ages. He loved a good catch up and was always super engaged in all kinds of people and ideas. We compared notes on living with partners (his was always glowing…<3) and bullshitted about those careless days when all we were dodging was shit from teachers or parents.

I am making his music part of my regular rotation, and would love for as many people as possible to hear Freddie’s fruit of labour.

An absolute tragedy that one of the good ones was taken far too early.

My deepest sympathies and all of my love to the families.

J Dee has found his right hand man up there!

My saddest sympathies are also with Dan’s family and friends. Far too tragic.

Hometown Glory! Dec 15

So once again here I am innocently scrolling through facebook when I am hit in the face with AMAZINGNESS!

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I introduce to you all, my extremely good friend,

Jai Cove

(I very nearly full named him just then but managed to stop myself – haha. If you want to know his full name, ask him – It is worth the ask, for sure)

He has been hard at work perfecting this gorgeous spiral staircase. I hope when he is rolling in it he will come to my house and pimp out my stairs like this!

https://www.facebook.com/jai.cove/media_set?set=a.10205742694472229.1073741835.1401905109&type=1

Look at the talent behind this, absolute beauty. Jai also makes instruments!

https://www.facebook.com/musicametals

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Another nearest and dearest of mine is also smashing it playing for Experimental band LUO.

https://www.facebook.com/herebeluo

Check some of his youtube vids out too!

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Not to mention all of us world travellers who are slowly coming back for Xmas from our various capades.

Singers, dancers, videographers, musicians… We’re all back!