Help me Smash the Fear

Hey yo

My stage fright has come back…. My fright to sing at all in front of anyone actually, is back with a vengeance.

Last friday, I was hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend and his mates. She is from Canada, He is from Barbados as are his friends and one of the guy’s girlfriend’s is Greek.

The only reason their nationalities are important is because I was inspired and a tiny bit jealous at how free they all are. I mean free as in confident, & not fucked up, not particularly self conscious and incredibly cool & light to chat with. Some of them are pretty musical and play guitar and sing etc etc…

My friend pulls out the guitar and starts to sing, in fact, SHE asked US if we would mind if she played for us. WHOAH, GO GIRL. She is super flipping cool and it really is true that Canadians are safe as fucccckkk. ANYWAY

She does her thing and is great, she has a great musical ear and her playing was just perfect. Then one of the guys does the same thing! In my mind I was freaking out in case they asked me to sing and I couldn’t even join in when I knew one of the songs, I was frozen stiff scared.

what the helllllll man, what is wrong with me! (don’t answer that)

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Then the greek goddess puts on Solange…. there was no stopping me! I did not care anymore and we were dancing and singing at the top of our voices trying to lure the others to join us but they would not haha… too busy shooting shit in the kitchen to dance around with these 2 pumped up on girl power girls. She then puts on more rnb bangers and all 3 of us girls were singing at the top of our voices and pretending we were a girlband. (although I think we would smash it in a girlband IRL)

If the music is loud, I WILL sing loud but if I think people are actually listening to me…. I freeze and the anxiety that cripples a lot of my daily life comes along with it’s mate ‘stage fright’

I love my british friends, obviously, but the subtle (or not so in some cases) cynicism and  uptightness is pretty damaging to artistic types….the ones who maybe don’t have the gene that is the ‘self big up’ thing. i.e me

I am guilty of it myself! People with guitars at parties back in the day used to grate on my snobbery and would encourage a certain dickishness to come out in my head. Others who felt the same would conjoin together in some sort of dick off circle, judging & sending bad vibes.

In reality, this person (regardless of their skill or playing ability or even in some cases ability to hear that the guitar is OUT OF TUNE) is sharing something in that moment that is pure and unashamed and pretty beautiful actually.

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This all may sound super obvious to you nice people out there, but I have a proper music snob in my head.

Luckily, over the last few years it has started to soften and I now just think people are beautiful and sweet for wanting to share whatever they are feeling at that moment in time whether it is through music or poetry or drawing or art or whatevs.

You wana share with me your weird and wonderful thoughts then please send them over to me!

So in light of all this waffling on

Here is a video i have been sitting on for a while of my first open mic I ever did with original material

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Both of the original pieces in this vid have moved along to different versions so are a bit null in void BUT it doesn’t matter. This is what they were then and hopefully when I get some up to date confidence in me right here right now you can hear where they travelled to!

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Phone note memoirs – 24/Jun/2016 – Days after arriving in NYC

What was I so worried about?

Within 48 hours of being back I have seen my favourite pals.

Greeted by the Love.

Absolute.

 

Lucky living ruled by Jupiter

Smiles bigger than the diameter

Of the rings of Saturn.

 

New York blesses me every time I

arrive

Almost like I never fly

Across the Pond

Back to the Island.

 

So why so anxious

Of little old Manhatten?

or Beautiful Vivrant Brooklyn?

 

Never could be scared of Harlem

I find hype on 125th street

And truth on the corner of Madison. IMG_0666.jpg

Sunset of the day (yesterday’s)

I think it makes sense, along with song of the day to have sunset of the day too!

6/7 days of the week I would say I take photos of the sky in one way or another, and I always think i should share them as I have a ton…. so here goes!

 

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p.s yes the little specs you can see is a fly… this time of year along the cliff top it is like a disgusting plague of flies! I have no idea why – nature wise it is obviously meant to happen – It is just not the nicest thing to walk about in!

 

Anyone have any idea as to why this happens? Random question I know!

Hometown Glory!! Aug 2015 MIZZAY

This is a special post for my very good friend. Soph is extremely talented and her eye is next to none!

I have been lucky enough to call this lady one of my very best friends in the whole world for about 13years now!!

Not only is she an amazing photographer and person in general, she makes stunning documentaries about her travels and shares them with us to see!

Sophie is always positive, supportive and the life of the party.

I cannot believe how lucky I am to have her at the other end of the phone whenever the time is right!

We are from the same town and speak the same language. She is the best

and

Soph –  Thankyou for ALWAYS being there and always being my number one fan!

I hope you know I am yours and look forward to working with you again in the future some time!

#YOGIPOST – Last week’s Yama – Satya. Uh oh.. what did I do? YIKES

My week of Satya was an interesting one, I focused deeply on my inner voice and made some pretty big decisions based on those hearings. Once you actively start to listen some of the callings become impossible to ignore!

I quit my steady part time income job to allow time and space to divulge in the loudest of the vibes screaming from inside. Helping people. I was lucky enough to spend a few months working in a shop at the back end of Brighton that opened my eyes WIDE to the inconsistencies and fatalities of our society. Every day that I worked I came into close contact with all kinds of souls. Plenty of (legal) drug addicts, Homeless and the down and outs left by the system they had grown up in.

I am not going to go into the ins and outs of my opinions and ideas regarding our working society in this post but my position at the shop only strengthened my sense of Satya.

After every encounter I couldn’t help but feel that if I had the chance I could honestly help at least a few of these people so clearly lost and crying for help. I am not about to say that Yoga is the key to people returning to their feet, but Asana practise could probably start to show them the path towards light and love for themselves as well as for us, humanity, that had let them fall so far down.

I am terrified, and have no idea what this means for my life moving forwards but for the time being at least, if you need me you can find me in 1 of 4 places

Reading and studying Yogic Philosophies and trying my best to apply them to my every day life

On my mat learning about myself through Asana practise.

Cooking clean and healthy whole food based meals

Teaching my beautiful classes to my wondrous students.

4a) Seeking and finding new Yogi’s to pass on my findings to!

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